I used to be smug. I didn’t mean to be, but it happened anyway. You see, while everyone around me was complaining of sleepless nights and sporting a matching pair of Louis Vuittons under their eyes, my baby was sleeping through.
I didn’t sleep train her, or use CIO or anything of that nature. She just did it. From about 6 weeks old she started sleeping for five solid hours at night, and this slowly increased until she was doing a solid eight hours every night. I’d put her to bed and she’d just go to sleep. She still napped through the day, and although I held my breath every time we reached a supposed ‘sleep regression,’ it never happened. She was a good sleeper, I told everyone. We were blessed.
Not only did she sleep, but she ate everything. From a young age she’d been having a huge variety of tastes and textures, from curry to mussels and back again, eating all fruits and veggies, and demolishing seemingly enormous plates for her tiny stature. Again, other mums complained that their child wouldn’t eat, or would throw food, or wouldn’t even look at it. And there I was with my, ‘Oh, Rosie just eats it.’
For the last two months or so she’s had me up three, four, five times a night. I can’t sleep more than three hours straight without her screaming. And when I go in to her, all she wants me to do is stand there and look at her while she lays in her cot. If she went back to sleep maybe I could handle it, but she just lays there blinking at me and then banshee screaming when I try to leave. I would just fetch her in with me, but Not Just Rosie’s Dad is a lorry driver who is often up at four am, and sleep is vital if he doesn’t want to be nodding off at the wheel and killing someone. And even when I do fetch her in with me, she clambers all over me, pulls my hair, jumps up and down, tries to poke my eyes out… you get the picture.
And eating? Goodbye, lovingly homecooked meals. Goodbye, sandwiches. Goodbye vegetables. Hello spaghetti hoops. The one food item that she will consistently eat all of. How did we get to this? This wasn’t in the plan! I was making you beautiful, balanced nutritious meals and you were eating them and I was smug. Just a big old smughead. I used to get you a full sized kids meal when we ate out and now if I do that you just fling it about and scream until I open a pack Goodies Cheese Puffs. Why, baby, why?
And so here we are. From an eat-all, sleep-through baby to a no-sleep, no-eat toddler. I tried so hard not to be smug but I must have been, somehow, because Karma has come back and bitten me well and truly on the buttocks.
I know it’s probably a phase, and I’m sure (hopeful!) that she’ll change again, but there is a big part of me that believes this is just the way it’s going to be.
So for all those who thought I was a smug git, I’m sincerely sorry. I have learned my lesson, I will take nothing for granted anymore. If you’d like to let me know of a good under eye concealer I’d be very grateful.
And to those of you with smug friends, whose babies eat and sleep, show them this so that they may learn from my mistakes.
I am smug no more.