One and done

Next month, my dear sweet Rosie will be turning one. So some folks have clearly decided that now is the time to demand to know when I’ll be having more kids.

Now, here’s the thing. I’m not all touchy and bitter. I don’t mind when family and close friends ask. It’s casual acquaintances and strangers that get me. Even then, it’s not rude per se to politely enquire, ‘Do you think you’ll have anymore?’

Providing, of course, you leave it at that.
It becomes rude and annoying when you say to me, ‘So when are you having some more?’

To which I reply, ‘Uh, never.’

It becomes even more rude and annoying when you then say, ‘You can’t say that! You’ve got to have more!’

And it becomes infuriating when you say, ‘I think you’ll have more. You can’t just have one.’

Whoa whoa whoa, sunshine. Take a step back. I don’t recall a time when you were put in charge of my reproductive organs. I’m not even entirely sure I’ve got full control of them, and most definitely not at certain times of the month.

So… why is this rude? Well, you’re assuming a hell of a lot of things, for a start. You’re assuming I want more kids. You’re assuming my husband wants more kids. You’re assuming we can afford financially to have more kids.

You’re also imposing your beliefs and choices on me, for another. So you had three or four or more. Or you only had one but you wanted more. Or you think that big families are the happiest families. Or you think that my daughter needs siblings. Marvellous. Really. Good for you. Your choices are your choices, I respect that. But you are not respecting mine. Look at it another way. The flipside to this would be me saying to you, ‘Jeez, really, another kid? I don’t think you should have it. In fact, you can’t have it. You’ve got to get rid.’

And furthermore, you’re putting me in an extremely uncomfortable position. I don’t necessarily want to explain to you (often a complete stranger) that I don’t want more kids. You have no idea. It could be that we can’t afford it. It could be that I suffered with bad postnatal depression and I’m scared it will happen again. It could be that I had an intensely traumatic labour, or that my child was in hospital as a newborn, or ill, or I hated the newborn stage, or even that my lady bits are wrecked beyond repair. Would you like me to say that to you? When you ask why no more, in the middle of Asda, would you like me to say, ‘Because my fanny fell out?’ (It didn’t. But I might start saying that to make people feel uncomfortable)

Maybe, just maybe, I don’t want anymore kids, for reasons that are none of your business. And maybe you should keep your opinions and your comments to yourself. It’s my uterus, and if I don’t want any more kids I won’t have anymore kids.

The moral of the story is, if you’re not in my ‘frequently dialled’, don’t ask personal questions. You might not like the answer.

image

She doesn't want to hear it either.

Advertisements

Baie aeolus shadow – review

The latest wrap I have been playing with is the new and as yet unreleased Baie Aeolus Shadow. This wrap combines the popular pre existing dragonflies design, and the most recent colourway – a rich plum purple to black gradient.

image

This version is a blend, 79% combed cotton and 21% linen. It’s also another snug weave wrap, which is the slightly thicker of the two weaves Baie use. The linen and the weave combine to make this wrap feel quite thick and solid, but not ridiculously so. It’s strong, but I’m not going to have to get out my whip to tame it. For the most part, it felt grippy and supportive. I did however find that the finishing knot in an fwcc needed to be tied double as it had a tendency to slip and work loose – although I didn’t have that issue with the passes.

image

On the darker side of this wrap there is a slight white fluffiness – I find this to be barely noticeable, and Juliette assures me that this is normal. It’s down to the use of natural undyed cotlin, and will disappear with use and washes.

This wrap has two very distinct sides. One side has a gradient background with natural undyed dragonflies, and the other has a natural undyed background with gradient dragonflies.

image

Due to the darker colours, the undyed tends to appear pale grey or purple in places. And the contrast is striking! I think I personally prefer the darker side to this wrap, but I do like the fact that it has two separate personalities. Due to it’s dual personality I feel that this wrap will go with a big variety of clothing, and be suitable for any number of occasions.

image

image

The design, as you now know, is dragonflies. But here is something you didn’t know. Aeolus was designed by Juliette; one half of the Baie team. The pretty, stylised design of the dragonflies is based on the sound holes in an instrument called the English Concertina, which Juliette plays semi professionally. Aeolus is also a God of Wind in Greek mythology, which is rather apt for a dragonfly as they are considered the best fliers in the animal kingdom.

image

All things considered, this is a strong, capable and versatile wrap that still manages to be pretty. It’s soft enough for little squishes, but strong enough for bigger toddlers. And you can wear it with pretty much anything!

image