I often hear or read about judgemental parents. I’m sure you will have too – the parent who undermines your choices, judges how you parent and tries to convince you that their way is better.
They can be quite ardent about why their way is better, and how your way is so terribly bad that surely your children will grow up damaged and hating you.
They can also be more subtle in their judgement and undermining, making you question your choices and lose confidence.
Why do they do it?
Here’s what I think:
Because if your choice differs from theirs, that means that theirs could be wrong.
Now, of course, that’s not the case in reality. I formula feed my baby. My friend breastfeeds. Neither of us are wrong, we have both made the right choices for our very different babies. Do I judge my friend for her choices? Does she judge me for mine? Absolutely not. The thing is, we are both confident in our decisions. We don’t feel that someone making a different choice invalidates ours.
I feel that those parents that judge others do so because they don’t have confidence. They struggle to see that their could be more than one right choice. If your choice is different, theirs could be wrong. That’s scary for a new parent, especially when you’re bombarded by adverts and opinions.
What all of us need to do is stop judging others. Accept that what works for us may not work for everyone. Understand that sometimes we will make the wrong choice, or make mistakes. If we stopped judging, and supported each other more, parenthood would be a whole lot easier.