Five Things No One Tells You About Becoming A Mum

1: You might not bond with your baby straight away.

IT’S OK. It’s perfectly natural to have conflicted feelings about a squirming bundle of screaming and poo. It can take months for that bond to develop, particularly following a traumatic birth, or separation immediately following. The good news is, give it time, it will develop. I didn’t experience that rush of love when my floppy slimy baby was placed on my chest, and not seeing her for the first 12 hours of her life didn’t help. She was in SCBU and I was waiting for the epidural to wear off. But, now that she’s smiling and interacting more, I get it. She’s mine and part of me and although sometimes she drives me nuts, I love her to the ends of the earth.


She's crying because she didn't want a hat on. Delightful.

2: Your relationship with your spouse might actually get better.

Most blogs or articles will tell you that babies are relationship wreckers, but that needn’t be true. Personally, my marriage got better. Part of it was our amazement at having created a life together, but part of it was working as a team. As with any relationship, open and honest communication is key. You’re going to get it wrong, and you’re going to get stressed or frustrated. Step back, calm down and talk about your feelings. Don’t let resentment build up.


Make time for each other! It's worth it.

3: You might not be able to breastfeed.

If you can, fantastic! If not, don’t sweat it. It doesn’t work for everyone. Formula is not poison, and it won’t hurt your baby. Breastfeeding is a relationship, and if it’s not working for one of you, it’s not working for either of you. Don’t feel guilty if you formula feed. It doesn’t make you a bad mum.


Just keep this kind of bottle for yourself.

4: Your sex life might actually get better.

Okay, not necessarily immediately, because, you know, healing. But after that, why not? Whereas before, sex was something you took for granted, now it’s a treat. It’s like if you ate chocolate all the time, it gets boring. BUT when you go on a diet, it’s all you want. And when you get it? Ohhhhhhhhhh. Yeah, it’s like that. And you should have sex, it’s great! It’s also a fairly key part to a happy relationship. And it may be a little daunting to start with, but keep at it. Don’t forget lube and condoms, unless of course you want pain and more babies.


Keep the romance alive.

5: You will most probably feel guilty about everything.

Don’t. The very fact that you’re doubting yourself or feeling guilty shows that you’re a good mum. Stop beating yourself up! A good way to deal with this is imagine if a close friend asked for your advice, what would you tell her? Tell yourself. You’re doing an incredibly difficult job, with no qualifications, no training and very few breaks. If your child is alive, you’ve done well. They really aren’t going to be scarred for life because you put them mismatched socks on, or because you needed to step out for five minutes to clear your head. Relax. You’re doing fine.


See? Baby still alive despite having me as a mother.

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